Going back

In the last five months and over, I’ve been gone from a lot of things. The world I lived in, where I breathed and existed, was taken away from me by the devastating storm that was Haiyan. It is still there, only I couldn’t be there.

I have been made to live somewhere else. Somewhere things are very different from what I’m used to. At the same time, I was compelled to stay where I’ve always been and was kept from going anywhere by just about everything around me.

Before the storm was even at its strongest, I was already more than certain that I will have to be gone from just about everything.

Then, the power was gone.

Truly, I understood that it was a precautionary measure against electrocution, yet I also understood that they never would have done it if there wasn’t that chance. Only so few hours later, the power posts started falling. Then, the trees which have always been so solid started falling. Even those which have always seemed soft enough to sway with the wind started falling.

Everything started falling.

The moment I walked out of the shelter, even when the wind was still fiercely blowing, was also the same moment I knew that nothing was left of what used to be. Yet, all that was used to be was still there.

I saw a world much different from what I saw only so few hours ago.

Perhaps, I was scared at that moment for the first thing I thought was to get out of such a place which I could barely recognise. I wanted to leave. I saw nothing and everything all at once.

I’m more than certain that just about all of us who suffered the wrath of nature that was Haiyan thought that nothing made sense anymore. At least for one moment, all of us must have thought the same thing. And all of us would have wanted to go.

It’s not something anyone can simply accept. Yet, it was something everyone had to accept. Because, in the end, the storm came and that’s what the new story is all about.

Acceptance, after all, is the first thing to moving on. Then again, I could only have been too naive because the next thing I wanted to do after getting over myself realising that I couldn’t just leave.

Hence, in the latter part of the last five months and over, all that I’ve been trying and doing was to try and go back to that world which was taken away from me, but, at the same time, to try and live in this new world.

It’s all troublesome, I know that much. But it’s what I have to do, it’s what I’ve been doing, and it’s what I’ll keep doing until, somehow, I just find myself there.

There where I rightly should be.